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Friday, October 29
Tuesday, October 26
Peace again
So, one of the negative things about my trip home is hearing negative opinions from some of the people I love. Thinking like a Christian is differently than thinking like anyone else, and its hard for me to remember that.
All the way home Sunday and all day yesterday I was feeling discouraged. I was questioning a lot of things that I was at peace with prior to my visit home. Finally, last night God's still small voice got through all those tumultuous thoughts. My friend Jen and I had had lunch together on Friday and she said something that I didn't even know had 'stuck' with me until last night when God reminded me of it.
God is Sovereign.
That's all I need to know. If I am drawing near to God, and am daily walking with Him, then all I need to know is that He is Sovereign. Its not my place to worry about this or that. God already knows the ending to my story.
So this morning I got up early and was pleased to discover the topic of my bible study was Contentment in your Circumstances. Here are some quotes that helped me get back some of that peace that I was missing.
"...reality is a harsh reminder that life, even for the believer, includes daily challenges, painful conflicts, and difficult circumstances. The circumstances of your life are not a comment on what God thinks about you. THE CROSS is God's statement of how much He loves you and how determined he is to care for you. He sent his Son to provide salvation through His death on the cross. that act of love is an assurance to believers of god's devoted care and deep concern. My faith can't be put in _____, but in God."
(These are from "A Woman's Guide to True Contentment" by Rhonda Kelley)
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, ifthere is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:6-8
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58
How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You. Psalms 119:9-11
By taking heed according to Your word.
With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You. Psalms 119:9-11
Direct my steps by Your word,
And let no iniquity have dominion over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of man,
That I may keep Your precepts. Psalms 119:133-134
And let no iniquity have dominion over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of man,
That I may keep Your precepts. Psalms 119:133-134
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble. Psalms 46:1
A very present help in trouble. Psalms 46:1
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1:2-8
Chattanooga in the Fall
Then of course Saturday night was spent at my sisters house with tons of friends watching Brock Lesnar get his butt kicked in the first round! I was so happy!
All in all, a very tiring trip, but a rewarding one.
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Tuesday, October 19
Free sample
and NO I don't know how to do this any other way. Sorry.
Amazing Love
There is so much to say, to catch my blog up on, that I almost don't want to start. My heart is very full right now.
A few weeks ago, when I found out I wasn't pregnant- again- and I remembered that the first adoption MAPP class for FL Baptist Children's home was on the weekend of the special vacation I had planned, I became very discouraged. I knew I didn't have a peace about the class so I definitely wasn't going to cancel my vacation for it. Also, I was frustrated with Jeremy b/c I felt like he and I weren't on the same page regarding this whole adoption/baby issue. I, like I've said before, am a VERY open person, and its hard for me to understand/sympathize/empathize with those who are not- namely Jeremy. So, I began the long arduous task of talking to Jeremy, getting him to see where I am, and understanding where he was. After a frustrating, yet successful hour of 'talking' (it felt more like pulling teeth), I knew where Jeremy was, and Jeremy knew where I was. I was at peace again. (aside note- why he couldn't have been open with me from beginning would have saved me a whole lot of stress, but hey, he is who he is and I love him and accept him for who he is.)
So I can't remember if it was the next day or the day after that, but soon after our 'talk' I received an email from Bethany Christian Services, reminding us that their monthly informational meeting was coming up. Jeremy and I both felt this was God's way of leading us. So, we both got off work early and drove over to Pensacola. I tried not to get my hopes up too much b/c this hasn't been an easy journey, but when we walked out of that meeting, I felt hope and peace. Jeremy and I talked all the way home about how this might actually be a possibility for us. I called my family- I couldn't wait to share the news!
Well, one of the reasons we didn't go through an adoption agency first was because of the cost. Adoption through an agency is an average of $17,000. That is a LOT of money. However, at the meeting, Jeremy and I found out about grants, adoption loans, and most importantly, the adoption tax refund of nearly $13000, making our cost for the adoption around $4000- something Jeremy and I can actually afford!
So, Jeremy and I have spent the last week on paper work. I thought we might have to get the loan before we even were able to do the first step of the adoption process, but I was still at peace.
Of course my logical, type A mind started trying to figure out all the logistics of our child's entire life. I was mildly panicking on the phone to my sisters, saying "I know God's in control, but how are we going to do this and how are we going to do that, etc." Boy did he answer my questions.
On Friday Jeremy found a check for $450 in the mail from someone in our family that felt led to give towards the $550 application fee. While we were still in shock over that, my dad, who was in town to visit, decided to pay the rest of the fee, so he gave us $100. Words can't describe how we both felt. Even though this doesn't seem like a lot of money, its more of what it means. Jeremy and I both saw this as God's approval. (and Him telling me to Let Go and Let God!)
We are so blessed. I don't know how we'll manage- but that's not my job. I just have to be obedient and God will provide.
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