Life Changes

Life has changed so much. Jeremy and I have moved 'home' to Georgia and now live around the corner from one of my sisters. Neither of us have a job, but we are trusting God. How did this all come about?


About a month ago, Jeremy and I received a call from our adoption agency about a baby who had been born two days prior. We needed to give them an answer 'within the hour'. Three emotionally draining hours later, we called and told them no. I think both of our hearts broke a little that day and I know that as one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. It's hard to even explain to those who have never been through something like that how devastating it was. 
As a result, Jeremy and I hit our knees before God and prayed diligently. We realized our life needed to change if adoption was what we really wanted to do. 


I've never had God pave a path so clearly as He did for Jeremy and I that next week. Within days, we had a place to live and possible jobs back home in Georgia and God confirmed His will for us through a sermon our pastor preached just three days after the big adoption decision. Now, even though neither of the jobs panned out for us, I look back and realize God knew we needed that bit of security in order to step out on faith and move. 


So here we are. We will hopefully hear next week from our new adoption agency office about starting a new home study, and then we can start the long process of waiting again. God is so amazing. 

Blessed Abundantly

What a busy few months we've had!

Jeremy and I are so loved! Our entire Sunday school class got together and helped us host a spaghetti lunch on September 18th. I, as usual, was so stressed. Would we run out of food, bread, sauce, etc? To help temper that, I asked my dad and sister to come down from Georgia to help out. Then, my uncle and aunt, and friends Bryan and Melanie also came. My sister described it perfectly when she commented on how many wonderful people we had who loved us enough to do all of that for us. We had the fellowship hall broken down and tables set up after Sunday school in no time flat. We enjoyed 'fellowshiping' (southern baptist word) with everyone while the sauce was bubbling on the stove and the bread was being baked.

Jeremy and I didn't really have any goal in mind as to how much we were hoping to raise. I think I was more focused on being worried about running out of food, or something not going right. So when my sister, who is a math guru, counted the money, I was BLOWN AWAY. We had raised $946! I didn't even know how to begin to say thank you- to God, to everyone who helped out, and to our wonderful church family. So many people stopped by after church just to donate towards our cause. I was overwhelmed at the love!

Then, right after that, Jeremy and I  started picking up yard sale donations. People far and wide donated items. I even had a lady who saw our yard sale listing on Craigslist come the night before and bring items for us to sell. We worked hard pricing all the items, and I had to live upstairs all week b/c of the yard sale 'mess' downstairs. But it was all worth it. Saturday, the people started arriving at 5am (yes- it was intense) and didn't stop until 1230pm. We sold almost all of the items and raised $850!! Once again, we had not thought about a particular goal, but we were so overwhelmed by God's provision!

Adoption Update

Well, I don't even know where to start. Jeremy and I have began our fundraising efforts, and, thanks mainly to my mother and sister, we have raised $2000. With this, we can finally do the last step in the adoption process. When we turn in our profile/portfolio, Bethany Christian Services will begin looking for our precious child. A dear friend of ours has agreed to help us get this portfolio done in a timely manner. I can't believe how easy it's going to be, especially after the nightmare Jeremy and I went through with our adoption website- which is still not done. 
I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately with trying to get several things done for the adoption at one time. This morning I started reading the book for my Sunday night bible study, "Too Busy Not to Pray". I have to say- the entire first chapter was such an encouragement to me. It reminded me to step away from the stress and spend time giving it to God- not just the first time, but each and every time I begin to feel overwhelmed. I'm so excited to get started! 

Adoption Adoption Adoption

It seems like all I think about lately is ADOPTION! Jeremy and I finally settled on a website! Even though its still under construction, most of the information is up there for all to see. 


EmbraceHope4.Us


I'm very pleased with it, and I really want to figure out how to direct traffic to it. There are so many people who have shown such an interest and willingness to help in any way possible that I have been overwhelmed!  As I've stated before, I'm not the most technology savvy person, but this is very important for me, so I'm trying to learn. 


My mother, who is very well known back home in Georgia for her cakes, and my sister Taylor came up with their own fundraising idea! They picked out 6 yummy cake recipes and started selling them for $25 each. Their goal was to sell 100 cakes, and be able to raise $1000 for our adoption. ($5 per cake goes to ingredients) I'm so HAPPY to say that they have already mailed me a check for $500 and have a total of 70 cakes ordered! That was just in a month!! God has been so good. I can't tell you how many people from my families' lives and our past that have come forward to help us out. One lady my mom mentioned was our old neighbor. I grew up in the same house for over 21 years, and she was our neighbor for most of that. She had recently found my mom on Facebook, and when she found out about the cake sale, she ordered three!! Once again, and I can't say it enough, God is so good!!


A friend on facebook was hosting a Thirty-One Gifts party to raise money for her adoption, but I didn't know any Thirty-One consultants here in PC. Several of my friends went through a phase (and still are I suppose) of hosting Premier Jewelry Parties. The same consultant did several of the ones I went to. She also attended church with another friend of mine, so I called her up and asked her if  she wouldn't mind donating part of my Jewelry Party proceeds to our adoption. She was so thrilled that I asked her! I have had two parties so far and have raised $400! 




Jeremy and I have planned a Spaghetti Lunch one Sunday after church, and a Yard sale in late September. I have to be honest and say that I often get discouraged and overwhelmed, but I know that just the devil. I have really had to focus this past month on not letting him get to me. He doesn't want us to give God the glory for all the amazing things He's done so far and all the amazing things He will do! So please, follow via our website all the exciting things going on, and most importantly, please continue to pray for us. 

venting

So, I haven't posted recently mainly because my husband and I were working on a wordpress blog for our adoption journey, well mainly the fundraising aspect of it. However, it hasn't been going so great. I don't have much blog knowledge as you can see from this one, and wordpress seems to be more complicated than most blog websites. Then, on top of that, my husband makes everything even MORE complicated. He really can't help it- he knows the ins and outs of websites and photoshop- but he also doesn't explain things in such a way that I can understand. I wanted my website up and running weeks ago, and now I feel like I need to start over.

I have been very blessed to find a Premier Designs Jewelry consultant who has graciously offered 50% of her profits from any Premier Designs Jewelry party that either I hosted or someone hosted for me. I raised $150 from my show, and my mother in law (who so kindly hosted a show) will probably raise about as much.

My mother, who is well known for her baking skills back home in GA, and my sister Taylor have agreed to help us raise money by baking cakes and donating most of the proceeds. Their goal was to raise $1000, and they've already raised $500 in just three weeks!!

Then, my very loving grandparents gave us $500. I have been so blessed  growing up to have them as an example. They have never been rich, but my papa is very smart with money. I hope one day to be able to bless my granddaughter like they did me.

So I'm trying to focus on the positive and the MANY blessings, but right now all I want is a decent website. I'm so selfish.

Fall 2011 Fashion Trend

PLEATS!!!!

I'm sorry, but I love pleats. Of course, they have evolved from when I wore them in high school. 

The knee length skirts really weren't flattering on anyone. And no one really actually wears the Brittn*y Spears school girl look in public.

SO- I'm really looking forward to finding several items for my fall wardrobe that include pleats!

Time with God

Today is the day to turn over a new leaf. 

I vow to make time to spend with God.

I desire to draw near to Him,

because I need Him to draw near to me.

I vow to delve into His word,

in hopes of learning more about Him.

Today is a new day. 

Home Study Complete!

This post has been several months in the making. However, I can finally say, OUR HOME STUDY IS COMPLETE!!


I mailed in the last of the paperwork yesterday. It feels so good to be done with it, but there is still so much to do. I've been very discouraged lately. Very. The ups and downs are hard to take even though I know this is the path that God has for us. I know that one day I will be able to use this time in my life to bless someone else, but it sure isn't fun now. 


Our next and final step is the profile or the portfolio that is shown to potential birth mothers. Jeremy and I haven't even started on it, and I'm so tired of being the one with the motivation when it comes to this adoption. This to me is the most important step. How are we going to present ourselves in a way that birth moms would choose us over other wonderful families? I know that Jeremy and I will make great parents and we have an amazing relationship, but how do you convey that through pictures and a letter? I plan on spending much time on my knees in prayer. I will try my hardest not to stress over it. 


Jeremy has decided that even though God blessed us with money to pay for the adoption, he wants us to raise the $2000 profile fee. I'm struggling b/c I want to take the easy way- the way that gives less glory to God. I'm so thankful that my husband challenges me the way he does. A friend from college just had a Thirty One Gifts party and a percentage of the sales goes towards her adoption. I'm hoping to find a Premier Designs consultant here in Panama City that will do the same for me. I had also had several ideas for fundraising through my church, but I'm not sure that's going to work out. That's another blog for another time. 


Anyway, yes, I'm very discouraged, mainly b/c of my own shortcomings, but I'm also so very happy that the home study is complete!!! I can't wait to see God's plan unfold! 

Songs to listen to when you're discouraged

"Bridge Over Troubled Waters"

by Michael W. Smith
When you're weary, feelin' small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.
I'm on your side, Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
When you're down and out, when you're on the street
When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you.
I'll take your part, Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will lay me down.
Sail on children, sail on by
Your time has come to shine, all their dreams
   are on their way
See how they shine, Oh when you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled waters
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled waters,
I will ease your mind.
I'll ease your mind. 

  

“If You Want Me Too”

by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to
'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Godly Influences

You really don't realize the importance of Godly influences in your life until you either go through a 'wilderness' or until you take a step back to evaluate your life. Recently, I've taken a step back. I quit volunteering for so much stuff, both in my church and among my friends. I cut many things out of my life, such as exercising, to try to make room for more one on one time with God. As I mentioned in the previous post, I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm getting there. 


Last week, Jeremy and I went to Chattanooga to visit friends and family. During the very busy two days we were there, I was able to carve out a few hours to spend with a dear friend of mine. She and I became close during college. We are complete opposites in almost everything- except for our passion for God and for knowledge. (Granted, she is SOOOO much more intelligent than I, but I feel so much smarter around her.) During those precious few hours, I was able to discuss God in a way that only happens when she and I get together. Since then, I've made it my prayer to develop this habit in more friendships. I want to be able to have more frequent conversations like that and  be the reason someone else wants to spend more time getting to know God.


Also as I've blogged before, I've been going with my friend to her church on Wednesday nights for bible study. It has been such an AMAZING blessing to me to study and fellowship with other ladies who are as excited to learn more about God as I am. We are currently doing another Priscilla Shirer bible study, One in a Million. 

It has really forced me to evaluate my life, the things I do and say, the people I hang out with, etc. One day of week one really spoke to me. Here are several key points. (I've paraphrased and copied word for word.)
* God wants us to expect and anticipate more out of our walk with Him which is why He placed a gnawing hunger in our hearts to encounter Him.
* A narrow view of God could prevent us from doing just that. It creates a boundary that limits our experience with Him. 
Oh and I LOVED this next point- (little background- Priscilla's father is an amazing pastor in Texas, and she has a strong Biblical upbringing)
* The teaching I have received isn't biblically incorrect (its solid and effective), but what I learned through knowledge.... GOD WANTED TO EXPAND THROUGH EXPERIENCE. 
*We must be willing to move out of our comfort zones and church routines if we are to break through to the abundant life Christ offers. 
*Pray that God will offer you something different in your relationship with Him than what you've previously known- something that forces you to dig deeper in the Word, have a deeper prayer life, or even search for a supplemental body of believers with which to grow! 

  

Adoption Update

Jeremy and I haven't really discussed the adoption much recently. I think we were just taking an emotional break. We finally did the last thing that was needed to approve our home study. However, because we had waited so long, some of the other items expired. We now have to re do our fingerprints ($75 each) and local background checks. If I let myself, I could become very frustrated b/c this goes against my very organized, controlling personality. However, this process includes both my husband and I, so I must allot for his personality as well. Whew, and it is hard to do! 


Also, I've received some wonderful news about the adoption loan we applied for! At first they denied us, which was fine b/c God has blessed Jeremy and I above and beyond for this adoption. We just thought that instead of getting a loan, and making it easy to pay for the adoption, God wanted to use this process to teach us. Of course we would have given Him the glory as well. So when I spoke with the loan officer (who is also a Christian and is working/praying hard for us) and updated her on our financial situation, she resubmitted the paperwork.  Also, b/c of God's goodness, we were able to decrease the amount we were asking for by $5,000! She seems to think that we will be approved now. So not only is there a possibility that we will get the loan that we may/may not need, we also don't need to borrow as much! Isn't God good! 


Stepping away from the process was really nice. I wasn't thinking about it 24/7, getting upset every time someone asked me about it or every time I saw a young girl with three kids, stressing over so many things, etc. During that time, I really focused on spending time with God. I still am not spending as much quality time with Him as I'd like, but I'm better than I was last month.

The Abundant Life

Sometimes we wonder why God does things the way He does. Well, three years ago I accepted a job at a Personal Injury law firm that has mainly frustrated me. I love everyone I work with- esp the attorneys, but I am not a big fan of sitting here some days with nothing to do. I often questioned if I had made the right decision in switching from a part time teller position at a local credit union (with hopes of climbing the 'ranks'). There have been several indications that I had, but more recently I think I have the main answer. Over a year ago I hired a girl to help me part time in the office. I can't begin to tell you what an integral part of my life she has become. I haven't had a best friend like this since my first year of college. She challenges me to be a better person, and we have so much fun together. In January, I started going with her to a ladies bible study on Wednesday nights at her church. Because of that, I have grown closer to God. I've been 'fed' in ways that I haven't had in years. But it wasn't until my bible study this morning, that I knew why God had me on this path. 


We (the bible study ladies and I) just started One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer. I'm too soon into it to give you a summary of its main concept, but the lesson this morning dealt with the Devil and the mind game he likes to play on us. 
"The Devil, the Enemy of our souls, knows our strengths and weaknesses, and he has the goal of contriving ways to keep us under his thumb. He wants to burden each of us to the point that we no longer feel passionate about being people of God. He does it by convincing us that freedom in Christ is a DREAM....... He makes us feel hopeless. It's not long before we give up on the idea of really experiencing God in our lives."


WOW! I didn't even know that I felt this way until I read that! Now I know why I've been feeling so discouraged lately- I let the Devil convince me of these falsities. I think I've been this way for a long time, and I didn't even realize it b/c I am so good at 'going through the motions' of being a Christian. 


This morning God and I had a talk, and we will keep talking, until I feel hope again. 


Thank you Lord for bringing Bethany into my life. I am so thankful for her. 

New Purchases!

Jeremy and I, ok mainly I, have been wanting a new sofa now for years! I did a lot of research and decided that the best sofa for our family, involving two cats and future children, would be a dark brown leather sofa. Then, more research helped me understand the differences between top grain 100% leather and Durablend. Obviously, the research supported top grain leather. I came up with several options that were within my price range and still good quality. Any way, Jeremy, Mr. Let's Wait, didn't want me to get the sofa. For years I nagged politely kept asking, but he would always come up with a different excuse to either not get it or to wait (the story of the rest of my life I'm learning). I was finally able to convince him last week, and before he could change his mind, I ran out and bought the dern thing! 





Then, during our discussion on buying the sofa, I mentioned that we really needed a larger dining room table. Jeremy couldn't argue with this one b/c whenever we have people over for dinner (and that's quite often) someone either has to stand or we're all scrunched  in together. As I was buying our sofa, I saw this table that fit my requirements almost perfectly and Jeremy agreed. So, we also bought a new dining room table that can seat up to 8 people!

My First Air Show!

One of the benefits of living near an air force base is all the men in uniform, being able to go to air shows. Growing up I had heard of them, but had never been to one. Jeremy and I have lived here for three years now and it always seemed like something came up each time the Thunderbirds came to town. So, this year, my dad was coming into town and when I suggested we go to the air show, he was also interested! Dad told me to make sure I did my research so we'd know what to expect. Well, obviously I didn't do enough. The morning of, we both put on sunscreen, knowing we were going to be out in the open for several hours. Dad asked about taking in coolers, and I informed him that according to the lovely Gulf Defender, we weren't allowed. Then he asked about chairs, and I told him there would be bleachers. When we arrived at the air show location (after walking several miles it seemed like) we saw cooler after cooler and one set of bleachers for hundreds of people. BUT we didn't let this deter us. We set off to explore all of the planes that were on display. It was so much fun b/c Dad and I both were equally enjoying it. As it grew closer to time for the Thunderbirds to take off, we even were able to find seats in the middle bleachers! All in all, Dad and I had a GREAT day together! 

Daffodils

Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils. 

William Wordsworth 

SPRINGTIME in Panama City

Over the last three years, I've come to love Spring in Panama City. 

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Spring means the blossoming of many flowers and flowering trees. Here's a few of my local favorites. 

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Spring also means the Azalea Trail! I don't know how I grew up in the south without ever hearing of this b/c you know I would have put on one of those big fancy dresses and hats and been the belle of the trail! 

Most azaleas in Panama City are this purplish pink color. Its pretty, but I liked the variety of the azaleas I grew up with. 

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Spring means Chole gets to meow at lizards through the glass door. I keep promising one day I'll get Jeremy to catch one and bring it inside for her to play with. 

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Spring also means getting together with friends to grill some great food! Saturday afternoon, my husband (awesome) grilled BBQ chicken with his own BBQ sauce (amazing) and some potatoes with onions and olive oil (even more amazing).    

My lack of faith

I've really been debating about posting this, but then I realized my husband never reads my blogs- so here goes.  


The week after our social worker came to our house for the home study, I was so excited again about this adoption. She said so many positive things that I couldn't stop myself from working on our baby registries. Then, I got an email from our adoption agency asking us some questions about our debt to income ratio. In order for our home study to be approved by the judge, they wanted us to increase our life insurance 10 fold. I was disappointed to put it mildly. I also think that things were going so smoothly that I was waiting for something like this to happen. 


Now, don't get me wrong. Jeremy and I are in a MUCH better place financially than we have ever been, even though he's still not making anything like he used to or deserves to make- due to the economy. So I was very discouraged that BCS didn't see that. Also, our debt is either average or even a bit lower than most people. However, the only difference is while most people have a mortgage, we have student loans. When we brought that point up to BCS, they explained that a mortgage was considered an asset not a liability. I understand, but it doesn't seem fair, b/c to us, our student loans ARE an asset. Without them, we both wouldn't have the jobs that we do or will have in the future. An education is an investment-- ok I'll get off my soap box.


Anyway, so I just assumed it was over. I couldn't believe that God had led us all the way to this point, only to hit a brick wall. I didn't talk about it for days, and I spent some serious time wallowing in self pity. I was resigning myself to the inevitable- we were too poor and had too much debt to adopt. Jeremy and I had many intense discussions about this. He even told me that having a kid right now wasn't 'that big of a deal'. This comment brought on a whole new discussion.


As many of you know, Jeremy was the one who wanted kids right away. He was the reason I went off birth control after only a year of marriage. I had always wanted to wait 5 years, but because I loved him and because it was so important to him, I agreed. Also, as many of you know, it took me a LONG time to get to the point that I was excited about having a child. THEN once we find out we might not be able to adopt, Jeremy says, "Its not a big deal." I about lost it! When, over the last two years, did having a baby go from being so important to "not a big deal". MEN! I tell you. When I pressed for a reason why it was no longer a big deal, or to see if he was just saying that b/c I was so disappointed, he explained that after entertaining at our house several of our friends who have kids, he realized how different our lives would be and he was happy with the way things were now. WELL like I haven't been saying that for years, but oh well. 


Over the weekend, I started resigning myself- getting used to the idea of no kid again. I spent a lot of time in prayer and 'meditation' (just thinking about it- not really talking much). I tried to avoid the phone calls and questions from family and friends about it. Somehow, even though I had asked Jeremy to talk to his mother, he didn't, and she called me Monday at work wanting to share all of the baby stuff she had bought over the weekend. Normally, I would have been excited, but my heart was breaking. 


I didn't get around to calling our insurance agency until Tuesday, only to find out that the large life insurance policy BCS was asking us to get was only $20 a month. I was blown away. I couldn't believe my lack of faith in God and His plans.  I knew He has been leading us every step of the way so far, so why did I initially jump to the worst conclusion ever? Why couldn't I have been like, ok God, handle this problem, b/c I know this is your will for our life? I felt awful. 


On top of my guilt at the lack of faith I had in God, I also had to figure out where Jeremy was on all of this now that the adoption was still possible. I asked a few times and didn't really get an answer. Finally during lunch one day I just had to practically drag information out of Jeremy about this. He still wants to wait. WAIT- that is so the story of his life. Welll, let's just wait and see what happens. Welll, let's just wait until this. Well, lets just wait wait wait wait wait wait...........


As you can see, I still have some issues to work out with God about my lack of faith. Sigh, I knew this adoption was going to be more of a roller coaster ride than a journey. Please continue to pray for Jeremy and I. 

My Love

Health/New Years resolution update

Between getting ready for the home study and volunteering for a local charity, I have not been doing so well on my 'eating healthy and exercising diet'. When I weighed in last night at Fit for Christ, I had gained. I tried to convince myself it was the salt in the pizza I had eaten earlier that day. However, I knew that I had not been eating like I should or even exercising at ALL! Luckily, the bible studies I've been doing have been talking about praying for and actually expecting an answer about specific prayer requests. Mine is that I will become motivated to work out. Eating healthy really isn't a problem for me, but getting myself back into a gym IS!! This week, I remembered how much I missed running on the elliptical. Since I don't have one at home, I'm looking forward to using one at the gym! I'm also going to track my inches as I begin exercising, and see if I can't tone up some! This morning I did my first workout in over a week! It was actually a video I had bought years ago and didn't realize how much I enjoyed it!  

So much has happened!

I'm very excited to update today because so many positive things have been going on. Our week started off with our home study. She was very pleased with our house and we met all the requirements. She then spent hours asking Jeremy and I individually about who we were, our childhood, and our families. We'll meet with her in two weeks to review our home study. She also offered to look over our profile at that time as well. I can't believe we're almost to the end of the process. I'm trying very hard to prepare myself for more waiting time. I know that is a possibility, or more of a guarantee, but I can't help but get excited!! 
Awhile back I started a registry at Babies R Us, but I recently found a website I liked even better, so I started a registry on it- All Modern Baby. I finally picked out a car seat, with the help of my friend who is a three time experienced mom. 

This is the Combi Shuttle 33. 

I also started a registry at Target, simply because, a- the bedding I picked out is there, and b- I live in a town where we don't have a Babies R Us, and many people aren't going to order something off an online registry. Sad, I know. I also started reading Dr. Sears' The Baby Book again. 

I had stopped because I was discouraged, and our social worker instilled hope and excitement in me again. Luckily, I was at the part of bottle feeding and formula, something I had just started stressing about! There are so many different kinds of bottles and formula!! Since my husband is very laid back and isn't into research much, I knew it would be up to me to figure out what is best for our child. Now, I can just rely on Dr. Sears to tell me what's best. BIG sigh of relief!! 


It still blows my mind that there are friends and even family of ours out there that have no idea we're adopting. I thought by now everyone would have heard from someone or read about it on my Facebook. I got a text from Jeremy's sister in South Carolina the other day about how she didn't know we were adopting. I started to remind her of the time a few months ago we called her and asked her for all her family info for our home study packet. Sigh, I guess since I think about this every day, I expect others too as well. However, everyone we talk to is very excited for us. We had so many wonderful friends thinking of and praying for us during our home study. Jeremy and I could tell, because it went so smooth!! I can't wait for our next step on this journey!!

The things people say

Jeremy and I have been busy preparing for our home study. We met with the social worker this week at Panera and we both felt like it went great! She was really reassuring and positive in everything she said. She seemed to think that since we are willing to have an open and trans-racial adoption, it could possibly be a short wait time. I really needed to hear this. Lately, I have been reading various adoption blogs and it seems like these wonderful waiting families just experience one disappointment after another. 
So, this meeting helped me get excited once again about our future little one. We put the crib together and have plans to pick up a borrowed mattress tomorrow. I've had fun conversations with both my mom and my mother in law about all the necessary items they'll need for when we visit. I spent hours online browsing for the best bottles, formula, and diapers to use. Tonight after dinner, I stopped in Toys R Us to check out their baby aisle, and bought some baby socks. I tried to get Jeremy interested and excited like I was, but he seems to be thinking like everyone else I talk to. Its very unfair to me, that a pregnant mother has 10 months to plan for and get excited about her child and I don't have a start date or an end date. I just have God's timing. Nothing hurt me worse than when I asked one of my friends, who had came  over for dinner, if he wanted to see the crib Jeremy and I had put together and he said, "You have a crib?! Already? Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" How can people think like this? Jeremy and I have been trying to add a child to our family for years. What is wrong with me getting excited about and planning for this child, even if it is through adoption? It really hurts. 

Updates

I didn't do so well on my 'diet' Sunday and Monday, but yesterday I made up for it. I ate two detox meals and did another great workout. I am really excited about becoming self motivated and exercising in my own home. I've never been able to make myself do that and therefore had to pay for a gym membership. This way, its so much more convenient (and cheap).
I've also been really surprised that these meals I've been eating have been filling me up for as long as they have been. Due to my high metabolism, I've always had problems staying full. Even though the smoothies Jeremy's been making me are made out of yogurt instead of silken Tofu, I usually stay full until right before lunch. Then, last night I ate a spinach, almond, and boiled egg salad and I was barely hungry when I went to bed hours later.
This morning I measured my hips, waist, and chest. I'm going to measure myself each morning for a week to make sure I have the correct measurements and then I'll do some research on what kind of a goal I need to set. It would be so much easier if I could use weight, but I'd actually like to gain some weight- but the correct way.

Monday morning when I got to work I had an email from our adoption social worker asking about scheduling the first meeting of our home study. I was so excited b/c I had just spent time in prayer that morning about not hearing anything from our agency. Also, Monday evening Jeremy and I went to Domestic Infant Adoption 'training'. It was very informative! I'm not sure if I'm getting more excited or more anxious. In the meeting we discussed fears, and I realized how fearful I am of an expectant mother changing her mind. I'm going to have to spend many hours in prayer, building my faith in God's plan. It just keeps getting more real. Most days I can't wait to be a mom and some days I am really content with my life the way it is. I just rely on all my friends who have kids that tell me its all worth it.

Cinch! and an adoption update

I'm on day two of my new CInch! motivation diet, and so far, I've eaten a spinach salad and an almond granola parfait (among all my regular food of course). I bought all the groceries for the 'detox' and I'll be having a berry smoothie in the morning (thanks to Jeremy who is getting up to fix it for me) after my yoga workout. I think I'm doing pretty good so far!!

Jeremy and I bought a fire proof safe to put his handguns in. I moved our wine rack up off of the floor, and I'm working on plans to lock up our medications. We're just getting everything in order for the home study. I don't know why they haven't called to schedule it yet. Tomorrow we are driving over to Pensacola for our last required adoption metting/training. Its three hours long so we're not going to get back home until late. I REALLY need to start working on my letter to our future birthmom, but all I can do is pray about it. Its so overwhelming! How in the world is she going to pick us from all the other wonderful forever families? Anyway, that's my goal for the next two weeks- write the letter.

CINCH!!

My friend Bethany and I started a Fit for Christ class on Wednesday nights at her church. I really wanted to get involved in something that would help me become motivated to workout again. Ever since I started taking my Zoloft, I'm worried that I'll gain weight around my stomach area. (I read online that this was a possible side affect.) Now, all my jeans are getting tighter and I have a 'muffin top'. I am so embarrassed about this and really hope to fix it. I would love to gain weight, but it needs to be the correct way- by eating healthy and exercising. 

So, I went Wednesday night with Bethany. The class suggested The GI Diet as the book to use, but Bethany wasn't crazy about it. Since I'm doing this more for motivation, I told her to pick out a different one and we would adapt it to fit us. She researched and chose Cinch! by Cynthia Sass who is a registered dietitian and nutritionist. I'm also going to be incorporating Skinny Bitch! by Rory and Kim.

I'm not really sure yet what my 'goal' is. I don't have a goal weight, so I'm thinking maybe inches on my waist in relation to my chest and hips. I'll work on getting a base line and then try to figure out what would be a healthy goal. For now, I have no idea.

Starting Thursday, I started writing down everything I ate and marking off how many glasses of water I drank a day. I always thought I did pretty good at that, but I was only drinking half of what I needed to be. Whew! I feel like I'm floating! I also did a short workout on the Wii Fit Thursday night. After going regularly to an aerobics class at a gym, the Wii Fit is a joke, but it was better than nothing. This morning I was able to find a great workout video online. It was only 20 minutes of yoga focusing on my thighs and hips. There were several other options, so I'm very excited about discovering this.

CINCH! starts off with a five day detox, eating only five foods- spinach, eggs, yogurt, raspberries, and almonds. I've always wanted to try a detox, but I know that there's no way I'd last a day eating only those foods. Plus, since I'm doing this more to be healthier than to lose weight, I figured I could just incorporate alot of these foods into my diet over the next five days and see what happens.
This morning I attempted to make a smoothie out of yogurt, honey, and fresh squeezed pomegranate juice. I didn't have any fruit- fresh or frozen- so I used what I had. It wasn't bad, but it needed the fruit. I'm going to the grocery store today, so that will help.

As of Late

I have no idea if I'm doing this right, but several of the blogs are doing this: As of Late???

LATELY.... I've been dealing with a totaled car (see previous posts), insurance, and buying a new vehicle (2004 Nissan Xterra).

LATELY... I've been feeling guilty b/c I haven't been doing my devotions and exercising routinely.

LATELY... I've been celebrating birthdays- Mine Jan 4th, Mom's Jan 11th, & Dad's Jan 18th.

LATELY... Sad things have happened to some friends (house burned down and they lost everything) and my mom (house was robbed and she lost all her jewelry).

LATELY... I've been buying new artwork for our bedroom. (Kirklands had great sales!)

2011 New Years Resolution

I've been pondering what I would like for my New Years Resolution. I've made one the past several years and have become quite serious at keeping them. This year, nothing really stood out in my mind other than the obvious (go to gym, do daily time with God, etc). Then, this morning as I'm laying in bed, I kept getting facebook notifications of people telling me Happy Birthday. This was never a big deal for me when I lived at home because my family, especially my mom, made such a big deal about my special day. However, now that I live 5 hours away, these notifications help fill that void. 
So, as I was laying there, thanking God for all my wonderful friends, I decided my New Years resolution would be to mail out cards and call my family and close friends on their birthday. This is a big step for me because 1- I'm horrible at remembering and 2- even though everyone else in my family does this already, I usually don't even call my grandmother on her birthday. (horrible I know) So, as soon as things slow down (catching up from the holiday, dealing with buying a new car and the insurance on the other one, and celebrating my birthday) I'm going to make a HUGE list. I might even go ahead and fill out everyone's cards to get them ready to be mailed. I'm excited about my 2011 New Years Resolution.