The Abundant Life

Sometimes we wonder why God does things the way He does. Well, three years ago I accepted a job at a Personal Injury law firm that has mainly frustrated me. I love everyone I work with- esp the attorneys, but I am not a big fan of sitting here some days with nothing to do. I often questioned if I had made the right decision in switching from a part time teller position at a local credit union (with hopes of climbing the 'ranks'). There have been several indications that I had, but more recently I think I have the main answer. Over a year ago I hired a girl to help me part time in the office. I can't begin to tell you what an integral part of my life she has become. I haven't had a best friend like this since my first year of college. She challenges me to be a better person, and we have so much fun together. In January, I started going with her to a ladies bible study on Wednesday nights at her church. Because of that, I have grown closer to God. I've been 'fed' in ways that I haven't had in years. But it wasn't until my bible study this morning, that I knew why God had me on this path. 


We (the bible study ladies and I) just started One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer. I'm too soon into it to give you a summary of its main concept, but the lesson this morning dealt with the Devil and the mind game he likes to play on us. 
"The Devil, the Enemy of our souls, knows our strengths and weaknesses, and he has the goal of contriving ways to keep us under his thumb. He wants to burden each of us to the point that we no longer feel passionate about being people of God. He does it by convincing us that freedom in Christ is a DREAM....... He makes us feel hopeless. It's not long before we give up on the idea of really experiencing God in our lives."


WOW! I didn't even know that I felt this way until I read that! Now I know why I've been feeling so discouraged lately- I let the Devil convince me of these falsities. I think I've been this way for a long time, and I didn't even realize it b/c I am so good at 'going through the motions' of being a Christian. 


This morning God and I had a talk, and we will keep talking, until I feel hope again. 


Thank you Lord for bringing Bethany into my life. I am so thankful for her. 

New Purchases!

Jeremy and I, ok mainly I, have been wanting a new sofa now for years! I did a lot of research and decided that the best sofa for our family, involving two cats and future children, would be a dark brown leather sofa. Then, more research helped me understand the differences between top grain 100% leather and Durablend. Obviously, the research supported top grain leather. I came up with several options that were within my price range and still good quality. Any way, Jeremy, Mr. Let's Wait, didn't want me to get the sofa. For years I nagged politely kept asking, but he would always come up with a different excuse to either not get it or to wait (the story of the rest of my life I'm learning). I was finally able to convince him last week, and before he could change his mind, I ran out and bought the dern thing! 





Then, during our discussion on buying the sofa, I mentioned that we really needed a larger dining room table. Jeremy couldn't argue with this one b/c whenever we have people over for dinner (and that's quite often) someone either has to stand or we're all scrunched  in together. As I was buying our sofa, I saw this table that fit my requirements almost perfectly and Jeremy agreed. So, we also bought a new dining room table that can seat up to 8 people!

My First Air Show!

One of the benefits of living near an air force base is all the men in uniform, being able to go to air shows. Growing up I had heard of them, but had never been to one. Jeremy and I have lived here for three years now and it always seemed like something came up each time the Thunderbirds came to town. So, this year, my dad was coming into town and when I suggested we go to the air show, he was also interested! Dad told me to make sure I did my research so we'd know what to expect. Well, obviously I didn't do enough. The morning of, we both put on sunscreen, knowing we were going to be out in the open for several hours. Dad asked about taking in coolers, and I informed him that according to the lovely Gulf Defender, we weren't allowed. Then he asked about chairs, and I told him there would be bleachers. When we arrived at the air show location (after walking several miles it seemed like) we saw cooler after cooler and one set of bleachers for hundreds of people. BUT we didn't let this deter us. We set off to explore all of the planes that were on display. It was so much fun b/c Dad and I both were equally enjoying it. As it grew closer to time for the Thunderbirds to take off, we even were able to find seats in the middle bleachers! All in all, Dad and I had a GREAT day together! 

Daffodils

Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils. 

William Wordsworth 

SPRINGTIME in Panama City

Over the last three years, I've come to love Spring in Panama City. 

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Spring means the blossoming of many flowers and flowering trees. Here's a few of my local favorites. 

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Spring also means the Azalea Trail! I don't know how I grew up in the south without ever hearing of this b/c you know I would have put on one of those big fancy dresses and hats and been the belle of the trail! 

Most azaleas in Panama City are this purplish pink color. Its pretty, but I liked the variety of the azaleas I grew up with. 

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Spring means Chole gets to meow at lizards through the glass door. I keep promising one day I'll get Jeremy to catch one and bring it inside for her to play with. 

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Spring also means getting together with friends to grill some great food! Saturday afternoon, my husband (awesome) grilled BBQ chicken with his own BBQ sauce (amazing) and some potatoes with onions and olive oil (even more amazing).    

My lack of faith

I've really been debating about posting this, but then I realized my husband never reads my blogs- so here goes.  


The week after our social worker came to our house for the home study, I was so excited again about this adoption. She said so many positive things that I couldn't stop myself from working on our baby registries. Then, I got an email from our adoption agency asking us some questions about our debt to income ratio. In order for our home study to be approved by the judge, they wanted us to increase our life insurance 10 fold. I was disappointed to put it mildly. I also think that things were going so smoothly that I was waiting for something like this to happen. 


Now, don't get me wrong. Jeremy and I are in a MUCH better place financially than we have ever been, even though he's still not making anything like he used to or deserves to make- due to the economy. So I was very discouraged that BCS didn't see that. Also, our debt is either average or even a bit lower than most people. However, the only difference is while most people have a mortgage, we have student loans. When we brought that point up to BCS, they explained that a mortgage was considered an asset not a liability. I understand, but it doesn't seem fair, b/c to us, our student loans ARE an asset. Without them, we both wouldn't have the jobs that we do or will have in the future. An education is an investment-- ok I'll get off my soap box.


Anyway, so I just assumed it was over. I couldn't believe that God had led us all the way to this point, only to hit a brick wall. I didn't talk about it for days, and I spent some serious time wallowing in self pity. I was resigning myself to the inevitable- we were too poor and had too much debt to adopt. Jeremy and I had many intense discussions about this. He even told me that having a kid right now wasn't 'that big of a deal'. This comment brought on a whole new discussion.


As many of you know, Jeremy was the one who wanted kids right away. He was the reason I went off birth control after only a year of marriage. I had always wanted to wait 5 years, but because I loved him and because it was so important to him, I agreed. Also, as many of you know, it took me a LONG time to get to the point that I was excited about having a child. THEN once we find out we might not be able to adopt, Jeremy says, "Its not a big deal." I about lost it! When, over the last two years, did having a baby go from being so important to "not a big deal". MEN! I tell you. When I pressed for a reason why it was no longer a big deal, or to see if he was just saying that b/c I was so disappointed, he explained that after entertaining at our house several of our friends who have kids, he realized how different our lives would be and he was happy with the way things were now. WELL like I haven't been saying that for years, but oh well. 


Over the weekend, I started resigning myself- getting used to the idea of no kid again. I spent a lot of time in prayer and 'meditation' (just thinking about it- not really talking much). I tried to avoid the phone calls and questions from family and friends about it. Somehow, even though I had asked Jeremy to talk to his mother, he didn't, and she called me Monday at work wanting to share all of the baby stuff she had bought over the weekend. Normally, I would have been excited, but my heart was breaking. 


I didn't get around to calling our insurance agency until Tuesday, only to find out that the large life insurance policy BCS was asking us to get was only $20 a month. I was blown away. I couldn't believe my lack of faith in God and His plans.  I knew He has been leading us every step of the way so far, so why did I initially jump to the worst conclusion ever? Why couldn't I have been like, ok God, handle this problem, b/c I know this is your will for our life? I felt awful. 


On top of my guilt at the lack of faith I had in God, I also had to figure out where Jeremy was on all of this now that the adoption was still possible. I asked a few times and didn't really get an answer. Finally during lunch one day I just had to practically drag information out of Jeremy about this. He still wants to wait. WAIT- that is so the story of his life. Welll, let's just wait and see what happens. Welll, let's just wait until this. Well, lets just wait wait wait wait wait wait...........


As you can see, I still have some issues to work out with God about my lack of faith. Sigh, I knew this adoption was going to be more of a roller coaster ride than a journey. Please continue to pray for Jeremy and I. 

My Love