I apologize to those who have been patiently waiting for an update on our adoption. We knew from the start that this wasn't going to be an easy journey, that there would be hard times. Even though we told ourselves this, it doesn't make those times any easier. As humans, with finite minds, we want the question WHY answered, but God wants us to trust Him and not worry about the why. I think that's the lesson Jeremy and I can take away from this past year. We are to walk in faith blindly, with confidence.
Meanwhile, Jeremy and I have enjoyed being closer to both our families this past year while at the same time missing those who for so long were like family to us. Our situation hasn't been anything like we thought it would, and we continue down this path that God has laid out for us.
When we moved to Georgia last November, we assumed that we would quickly continue the adoption process, or at least from where we left off in Florida- which was waiting to be chosen by a birth mom. However, that wasn't God's plan. I have gone through many emotions, from completely wanting to give up, to forging ahead without God's guidance. I tried to remain focused on the adoption but other areas of my life did and still do require most of my attention. I'm hoping to one day look back at this time and think of it as a refining 'fire', that God was taking this time to mold me into a better mother for my child.
During one of my "I'll do it myself" phases, I decided that Jeremy and I would just adopt through the Dept of Children and Family Services.We attended a 7 week IMPACT program, filled out most of the paperwork, and got our fingerprints done AGAIN (my 4th time). However, the more details we found out, the less peace we had, but I continued to justify it in my mind. So what if we can't get a newborn (unless we wanted to be put on a 5 year waiting list). We would just get a sibling group, and hope for two under the age of five.
The day I called Bethany Christian Services, our adoption agency, to let them know that we had decided to adopt through the state rather than them, I found out that we could do a state adoption THROUGH our Christian agency! Since that day, things have progressed smoothly once again. No, we don't have all the answers, and we don't have everything figured out, but we don't have to. We are taking it a day, a week, at a time. This time, however, I am walking confidently through faith, letting God lead.
Jeremy and I only have TWO things left to do and we will be home study ready. It's taken more than a year, but I know God's timing is always best. My sister, a nurse, referred me to a general practitioner who had also adopted. The doctor shared with me that her son had been born the same month they had turned in their adoption paperwork. Two years later, they met him for the first time and brought him home from Russia.. How awesome is that? It reminded me that God knows me, Jeremy and our future child, who may not even be born yet. His timing and plan are perfect. Yes, it's hard. No, I don't know why or how. Yes, I may bawl my eyes out at the ignorant comments made to me because I am getting more and more emotional as this journey continues, but that's just because my heart is so ready to be a mother to my child, whatever race, sex, ethnicity, he/she may be. I can't wait to see Jeremy as a father, and I can't wait to tell this child how much he/she was loved and prayed for.