Tuesday, October 19

Amazing Love

There is so much to say, to catch my blog up on, that I almost don't want to start. My heart is very full right now.

A few weeks ago, when I found out I wasn't pregnant- again- and I remembered that the first adoption MAPP class for FL Baptist Children's home was on the weekend of the special vacation I had planned, I became very discouraged. I knew I didn't have a peace about the class so I definitely wasn't going to cancel my vacation for it. Also, I was frustrated with Jeremy b/c I felt like he and I weren't on the same page regarding this whole adoption/baby issue. I, like I've said before, am a VERY open person, and its hard for me to understand/sympathize/empathize with those who are not- namely Jeremy. So, I began the long arduous task of talking to Jeremy, getting him to see where I am, and understanding where he was. After a frustrating, yet successful hour of 'talking' (it felt more like pulling teeth), I knew where Jeremy was, and Jeremy knew where I was. I was at peace again. (aside note- why he couldn't have been open with me from beginning would have saved me a whole lot of stress, but hey, he is who he is and I love him and accept him for who he is.)

So I can't remember if it was the next day or the day after that, but soon after our 'talk' I received an email from Bethany Christian Services, reminding us that their monthly informational meeting was coming up. Jeremy and I both felt this was God's way of leading us. So, we both got off work early and drove over to Pensacola. I tried not to get my hopes up too much b/c this hasn't been an easy journey, but when we walked out of that meeting, I felt hope and peace. Jeremy and I talked all the way home about how this might actually be a possibility for us. I called my family- I couldn't wait to share the news!

Well, one of the reasons we didn't go through an adoption agency first was because of the cost. Adoption through an agency is an average of $17,000. That is a LOT of money. However, at the meeting, Jeremy and I found out about grants, adoption loans, and most importantly, the adoption tax refund of nearly $13000, making our cost for the adoption around $4000- something Jeremy and I can actually afford!

So, Jeremy and I have spent the last week on paper work. I thought we might have to get the loan before we even were able to do the first step of the adoption process, but I was still at peace.
Of course my logical, type A mind started trying to figure out all the logistics of our child's entire life. I was mildly panicking on the phone to my sisters, saying "I know God's in control, but how are we going to do this and how are we going to do that, etc." Boy did he answer my questions.

On Friday Jeremy found a check for $450 in the mail from someone in our family that felt led to give towards the $550 application fee. While we were still in shock over that, my dad, who was in town to visit, decided to pay the rest of the fee, so he gave us $100. Words can't describe how we both felt. Even though this doesn't seem like a lot of money, its more of what it means. Jeremy and I both saw this as God's approval. (and Him telling me to Let Go and Let God!)

We are so blessed. I don't know how we'll manage- but that's not my job. I just have to be obedient and God will provide.

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